Brother Brent

Peace I leave with you: my peace I give you. I do not give to others as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

I have four brothers and one sister....this post is about my brother Brent. We are four years a part and although he lived four years without me in his life....he has always been a part of my life since the moment I came into this world.

 We grew up together....some of my time with him as a child was really fun. I remember going around the house and collecting pens from every drawer and bag and purse and we would have races with them. We would line them all up and push them across the carpet...to see what pen went the farthest. I made him a lot of cinnamon toast because he loved my cinnamon toast.  One time he dared me to drink this dark liquid in the study.....told me is was coke...and I believed him. It was some sort of alcohol ...older than dirt that was just on display for the pretty bottle...just thinking about it makes my throat burn...and there were darker times with him too but my heart just can't get that dark any more.

 He was cute....and loved. We called him bird dog. It took him forever to grow into his front teeth.

 We celebrated holidays and took trip to places like Disney World,  Cape Cod...and the mountains of New Mexico but somewhere a long the way he got lost.   He went down dark paths and liked them...one dark path after another.... he chose them...was drawn to them. It was like he grew up drowning in the darkness....coming up for air every once in a while...but settling right back down into the dark waters. He has hurt a lot of people a long the way...people who have loved him...believed in him...hoped for him ....prayed for him.

Over the years he has been slowly drowning....one gulp of black water after another....and every once in a while there would be a glimmer of that little boy before he ventured off the path...but the glimmer never lasted long.  Last year at age 38 he was convicted of selling cocaine to an under cover cop...somehow...some way he got off on probation. He had been heading to prison and then somehow he was given a second chance...all he had to do was be good....stay away from the dark waters.

It was only a matter of time...we all knew it. Yesterday he was arrested for selling drugs to an undercover cop three times over the past few days. The dark waters had called him back...he just can't stay away...and this is it....there will be no more second chances...no more one more tries...brother Brent sits now in a jail cell...counting down the days until he goes to prison for a very long time. His time is up. Hopeless.

This picture below is my brother...my brother Brent and I know it is....the man being put in this police car shares a history and a family name with me....and yet...seeing it....it's like it's someone else.....this is a picture you see in the newspaper...on the TV...other people's brothers....but no, this one is mine.

He deserves every day he will spend in prison....I know it...and yet it is still hard. I feel so bad for my dad and his mother...both never gave up on him. I can't imagine having a child you tried to save over and over again....and failing at it every time.  Watching a child drowned in darkness....it must be agonizing. Sometimes the dark waters are too much for even a parents' love...but as much as I love my children it is so hard for me to fathom that. My heart aches for many reasons...too many to name...for now all I can do if offer prayers for peace for all those touched by Brother Brent.... who sits in his jail cell tonight.  Sending you love and calm as you weather this storm Brother Brent......and praying for God to surround the family in love as we watch and wait for years to come.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
-Blessings by Laura Story