Breaking away 2011

With a new year brings the longing to be something new...try something new....I think we all feel that tug. I have never been one for new years resolutions...they have been more a topic of conversation on New Years Eve...something hopeful to chat about with friends. This year I am going to take them to heart...like I do most things in my life. I will etch them in my life and live them....truly I am.  This year...in 2011 I want to Break Away!

I have a friend right now fighting for her life...fighting for her place on this Earth with her family...giving it all to be here...and the time I spend thinking about her seems endless. I have another friend who seems so lost...and so gone...like she is fighting to be anywhere but here...so far away from here...from me...and the time I spend thinking about her seems endless as well. My heart is tender...it always has been...and I have to be more aware of this as life swirls around me. I have to be the friend, I will say the prayers, I will be there to help in any way to anyone, but I have to lighten the load on my heart and try to break away a little from the saddness that makes me sick...I just have to. I can't cary it all inside me...all the hurt and all the sadness...all the time...it is making me physically sick. I didn't choose to have this heart...and I certainly didn't choose to have this body that responds to saddness and stress by shutting down. It makes me so disheartened than when I am sad or mad that my throat closes down with a road block of painful tightness...and I can't eat even if I wanted to. I have to learn to lift it up....and let it go more...to break away a little. I have learned that sometimes you have to be patient while things work out...you have to have someones back while look at their back...but that can be done.

Which leads me to the second resolution which is to  break away to take better care of myself physically as well. I will drink more water, I will drink more milk...I will exercise regularly...and go to the doctor...all the doctors I have neglected to go to for so long. It's so hard to fit in just the kids appointments but I am going to make this happen. I will break away to go to the doctor and to exercise. I have this body which probably needs more help, more love, than the average one...and yet I neglect it terribly...so busy caring for those around me and I have to do better. I will do better in 2011.

Riggs inspires me to exercise

I have really done well with breaking away to spend time with the people I love this past year. We saw Jason and Tonya and Syd more this past year than ever....I continued to host my biannual parties for my girlfriends...we did more things with the Timmerings, I have never seen mom more and I love that...but I want to do even better...even more. I want to break away to spend even more time with the people I love...I would love to spend more on on one time with my precious children...or even two on one would be nice sometimes. I would love to spend more time with Jeremy...we never do date nights....we save our money and our babysitting favors for when we need them, but sometimes you just have to break away...and we are going to try to go out 6 times this year and try a new restaurant. I know 6 times doesn't sound like a lot but compared to never it is..it's a start.  And my friends...the ones who truly love me...I want to spend time with them too...girlfriends fill your soul in a way no one else can...they get it and sometimes you need someone to just get you. Time with the people you love....creating memories with the people you love is healing and happy and I want more, more, more of this in 2011!

So Breaking away is my theme for 2011...I will break away from the sadness I carry in my heart more....I will break away to go to the doctor and exercise....I will break away to spend even more time with the people I love more than life.

I will do this to make me better...more whole...more healthy. I love my life and I want to be around a long time to live it, God willing.So here's to breaking away in 2011! Wish me luck!

"Breakaway"

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)

And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway