my 2011...yhea...I sucked

Well last year my resolution was to break away....from negative people....break away to take care of my self by taking time to eat right and exercise...breaking away to spend more time with people I love and specifically Jeremy and I were going to try and have 6 date nights....I had big plans to Break Away for sure! So how did I do? 

This post is a hard one...because on many things I tanked...I just did. I started out the year right with eating right and drinking the water and running....see how happy I was after I ran....

But then as usually I let life take over....and the chaos of taking care of 6 people and one dog settled back in....I didn't make time to exercise.....I ate like crap.....and I put myself back on the lowest rung of the ladder....and put everyone else first.  It's just so hard to find time to spend one one one time with my children and my husband and my friends..let alone to spend one on one time with myself.And I know.....I know...if I have heard it once...I have heard it a thousand times...you have to put yourself first and take care of you so that you can take care of everyone else. But if I am really honest...that is just not in my nature...I like...no...I love...taking care of everyone else....and I will probably always put others before me...that's just me....but I do need to do a better job and find a better balance. I am currently not exercising, not drinking water, getting very little sleep and still not getting it all done, and I eat quick bites here and there as I move from point a to point b...there I said it.....I failed miserably at breaking away in 2011 to take care of myself. But if I put it out there I hope I will be more accountable...Lila took this picture of me before the Christmas cookie exchange....it was just a "can I take a picture, Moma" moment but when  I saw it ....it literally made me cry....it's disgusting.....I look terrible...sunken in cheeks...shoulder and chest bones hanging out...I have got to do better and that is really all I can do...is try to harder so wish me luck on that...it's not going to be easy...the flurry of Christmas is over but January is full of school, multiple basketball leagues, swim clinics, guitar lessons, girls scouts, ballet, soccer and track just to name a few.....we are hitting the ground running....
but like everything I want to remember it all...the good and the bad....because you learn from it all!

and time to break away for time with Jeremy....our 6 date nights.....well I think we had 2 nights out all year with just the two of us....but we did have Iron man....and we did have.......well I could fill up a page with excuses but I won't...we failed but know we need to do better. We are starting the year off with the book the Love Dare....we are reading it and doing it together...and we are so excited to see what it brings to our marriage...I'll let you know!

one of our 2 date nights of the year!

But the other breaking away part....the one about breaking away from negative people who suck the happiness out of me....for the most part I rocked that one! and it felt and feels so good! It is liberating to say no more.....and to say no....to social obligations that only weigh sadness and stress on my heart....to genuinely look forward to the few social events on my calendar....to spend time loving people who love me back! I have opened myself and my heart and made so many new friends this year and I am really looking forward to making even more friendships this year and growing all the ones I have, I love my friends...truly I do and I am so blessed to have you all in my life.

So there you have it...how I did in 2011...not great all the way around...but I learned a lot and no matter what my heart is full of love! I wish you all the best in 2012...

How did the littles do with their 2011 wish list.....

Last year I asked the littles what whey wanted for the new year...goals they had....things they wanted to do...and they each told me 2 things...so how did they do?

Riggs wanted to get his mile time in the 5's even if it was 5:59......and he did it...he did a mile in 5:57 this year!

and he wanted to go to Incredible Daves....and he did that too!

Rollins wanted to work on his multiplication tables...and he did that for sure! In fact he is rocking school in a big, big way!

He also wanted to go to the Kentucky Reptile Museum...we did not get there....but we have plans to go very soon! We even talked about going today...if Jeremy's work schedule would work out to do it!

Sk wanted to learn to swim....well she is not a fluid swimmer yet, but she has gotten more comfortable in the water for sure...baby steps for this one! She has so many problems with her little ears and has another surgery set up in just a few weeks so that has not helped in her goal. She is signed up for swim lesson in February to get her all the way ready for this summer!

and she wanted to go see a play....we saw Pinkalicious, Les Miserables and the Best Christmas Pageant Ever! For Christmas she got tickets to see Mary Poppins in March!

Lila wanted to take Jack on a walk and be 100% potty trained! She took Jack on Many walks and I am proud to report other than the occasional sleeping accident...she is a potty rock star!

Not too bad...Hardy Littles! I can't wait to see what you want in 2012!

Breaking away 2011

With a new year brings the longing to be something new...try something new....I think we all feel that tug. I have never been one for new years resolutions...they have been more a topic of conversation on New Years Eve...something hopeful to chat about with friends. This year I am going to take them to heart...like I do most things in my life. I will etch them in my life and live them....truly I am.  This year...in 2011 I want to Break Away!

I have a friend right now fighting for her life...fighting for her place on this Earth with her family...giving it all to be here...and the time I spend thinking about her seems endless. I have another friend who seems so lost...and so gone...like she is fighting to be anywhere but here...so far away from here...from me...and the time I spend thinking about her seems endless as well. My heart is tender...it always has been...and I have to be more aware of this as life swirls around me. I have to be the friend, I will say the prayers, I will be there to help in any way to anyone, but I have to lighten the load on my heart and try to break away a little from the saddness that makes me sick...I just have to. I can't cary it all inside me...all the hurt and all the sadness...all the time...it is making me physically sick. I didn't choose to have this heart...and I certainly didn't choose to have this body that responds to saddness and stress by shutting down. It makes me so disheartened than when I am sad or mad that my throat closes down with a road block of painful tightness...and I can't eat even if I wanted to. I have to learn to lift it up....and let it go more...to break away a little. I have learned that sometimes you have to be patient while things work out...you have to have someones back while look at their back...but that can be done.

Which leads me to the second resolution which is to  break away to take better care of myself physically as well. I will drink more water, I will drink more milk...I will exercise regularly...and go to the doctor...all the doctors I have neglected to go to for so long. It's so hard to fit in just the kids appointments but I am going to make this happen. I will break away to go to the doctor and to exercise. I have this body which probably needs more help, more love, than the average one...and yet I neglect it terribly...so busy caring for those around me and I have to do better. I will do better in 2011.

Riggs inspires me to exercise

I have really done well with breaking away to spend time with the people I love this past year. We saw Jason and Tonya and Syd more this past year than ever....I continued to host my biannual parties for my girlfriends...we did more things with the Timmerings, I have never seen mom more and I love that...but I want to do even better...even more. I want to break away to spend even more time with the people I love...I would love to spend more on on one time with my precious children...or even two on one would be nice sometimes. I would love to spend more time with Jeremy...we never do date nights....we save our money and our babysitting favors for when we need them, but sometimes you just have to break away...and we are going to try to go out 6 times this year and try a new restaurant. I know 6 times doesn't sound like a lot but compared to never it is..it's a start.  And my friends...the ones who truly love me...I want to spend time with them too...girlfriends fill your soul in a way no one else can...they get it and sometimes you need someone to just get you. Time with the people you love....creating memories with the people you love is healing and happy and I want more, more, more of this in 2011!

So Breaking away is my theme for 2011...I will break away from the sadness I carry in my heart more....I will break away to go to the doctor and exercise....I will break away to spend even more time with the people I love more than life.

I will do this to make me better...more whole...more healthy. I love my life and I want to be around a long time to live it, God willing.So here's to breaking away in 2011! Wish me luck!

"Breakaway"

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)

And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway