The Hardy Party: mothers day 2013

This Mothers Day this quote is singing in my heart. If you came over right now and knocked on the door and walked upstairs you might call social services. I am working on the closets.... for days there are piles of clothes everywhere...literally you can't walk and I sort what to keep and store for winter...what to give to goodwill...what to pass on to friends....what to save for family....what to throw away. It's embarrassing...the mess...but also in a weird way it makes me smile. I am proud of it because it takes me so long to complete this task. It takes me so long because I do a little..then live a little....do a little...live a little. I won't give up a whole day for clothes. I say that because this mother of four has come a long way from this mother of one.....with him there was time to do the closets, look pretty, and still have all the time in the world to just be there in the moments with him. I did it and I loved it but today is a different story...and I struggle with the balance of it all every day...maintaining the organization with the fun.....and the need to moments with the want to moments...which I jumble up all the time in my heart. I spend a lot of time worrying that I am doing it all wrong.

But I got this letter in the mail from Gail Shaw...the retiring director of Watkins Preschool. Just getting a hand written note in the mail was a treat all alone but I had no idea how deeply the words on this note would touch me....and calm me.

You see every school day for almost a decade now Gail Shaw has seen me as a mother and watched my children grow but she has also watched me grow. I am no longer the mom with the fixed hair that color coordinates with my matching children. I am usually a barefoot mess with piles of "to do" lists laying around for the house, swim team, XC, PTA......constantly juggling...always tired.

But I know this....

and I know that as a mother, I am learning every day....that it's the crazy little moments you carry in your heart the most...most of the time it's not the birthdays....but the random little moments...the ones you snap on your phone but don't blog about.....the moments that are yours alone.....

the ride in the trunk where you giggled till you almost peed.....

the afternoon on the beach where you made sandcastles......

the dance you did with the girls where you looked so silly...but man it was fun.....

singing at the concert as loud as you can with your girl in your arms.....even though you can't sing a lick....

the morning fishing in the Bay....

teaching the girls how to make cinnamon pancakes....

stopping at he bakery on the side of the road...because a sprinkle doughnut would really make her tummy happy....

watching her fly and seeing her land....as giggles soar

snuggling in bed.......

watching them play with friends but also loving their friends as much as they do....

and literally lighting up inside when Riggs' friends said goodbye last night at 10 pm...but before they did they told me Happy Mothers Day...because they know I love them too.

Because the moments on my phone...are fewer with Riggs now....but loving his friends in a beautiful way we still connect. He is just getting older...more social...not always present.....

like yesterday when there was a knock at the door and three littles stood there with picked daisies from the field out back...roots and all.....

and when the moment passed....I looked down and saw these..I asked what those were for...and the 3 littles present said that those were the ones Riggs had picked for me.....I hold onto the reality that he is still picking....I will take it and treasure it....as he grows..... I grow.....

I have been told you loose them one at a time...but they come back to you...I guess we shall see but for now I treasure so very much when the four of them are together.....

it's the happiest.... most wonderful time.....and I have a feeling it always will be...that those are the moments that I will forever feel the most complete....

So this mothers day with my piles of clothes upstairs...and my happy children up and running around...giving extra hugs and telling me happy mothers day....I take it all in.....I take in the mothers day treasures from my littles......

the flower box from Lila......

the sign from SK and the poem from Rollins....

and the from the heart..."I love you, Mom" from Riggs......

and I take in the words from Gail Shaw...and her observation of me as a mother....

Dear Danielle,

What a joy it has been to have each of your children in our preschool. It makes me happy to watch you "parent" your children. Each time you drop off and pick up you are so in the moment. That is such a personal gift you give them. Every child deserves to have someones eyes light up at the sight of them. You are that kind of mom. Thank you for being so very supportive of our program, our children, our teachers and me. Your smile, your sweet acts of kindness and your thoughtfulness have meant so much to me. I am very grateful. Continue to enjoy your family...children grow so quickly. Thank you for being a blessing to my life.

Love,

Gail Shaw

I take in the fact that I am a mess...truly I am...so far from the perfect Mom I wanted to me...with time to do it all...perfectly.....I take in the fact that all this time I thought I was failing...and believe me there are day I know I am....but maybe it's going to be ok....as long as I know that the want to moments are truly the need to moments...they are the ones you truly don't want to miss.

so maybe I look like crap most of the time...I am tired...but I am there...present in the moments of the child hood of these littles that I love with every ounce of my being.

And I can't thank my mom enough for her love and support on my journey of motherhood...she is my biggest supporter and there for every joy and fear I have for my littles......thank you, Moma.