a decision

When Jeremy was away in India...it seemed like a really long time. I was here with the kids and he was half way around the world.  What I found is that more than ever I want to be here...and I want to be present...and that as Jeremy stepped away for 2 weeks...I had to be here...and I wanted to be here...and these are my babies...and no one wants to be with them more than me....I think I really get that now. With Jeremy and his new job and Iron man....and with mom so busy with work...and with 4 little kids who are busy with their activities and school and social life...this is not the time for me to go back to school. I long to...and I will....just not today. I'll revisit it next year when SK is in school.....when the boys are another year older and can do more for themselves...when Lila is out of diapers...when Jeremy is an Iron Man and not an Iron man in training. I know with our busy lives..there will never be a perfect time...but I do believe in my heart that there will be a better time.

With that decision made I suddenly find more satisfaction in what I do everyday...not that I was discontent but suddenly things right here in my world are a little more vivid. Tonight I saw beauty and felt a quiet satisfaction as I walked through my own kitchen....pretty much clean....decorated for Easter.... Fresh sweet  tea made for the morning....so cozy and homey as we prepare to settle down for the night...the hum of the dishwasher in the background.....

 and my babies...watching a show in the family room...as they prepare to close their eyes and end this day...and get ready for a new one. I took this picture and then went and told each one I loved them...and I was so proud to be their moma...because that's my job....and for now...and I wouldn't want it any other way.