Pam

I saw this on Facebook a week or so ago...I didn't hit like...or share it...I scrolled on...

Sometimes that is what I do...scroll on....we all do...we pass by the moments...thinking there will another one to follow...I do it when Lila asks me to read a book when I am making supper....I do it when Sarah Kate asks me to see how much she has read in her book in the living room when I am all the way upstairs in the laundry room....

I pass some moments and get the next one...and I know that is normal.

One moment I didn't pass was this one....this past September 11th...just a few weeks ago. I am ashamed to admit that I wanted to pass it by before I went. It had been a long day...late night at cross country...hard night to get Lila to bed.. I was overwhelmed...tired....and had so much to do. I wanted to stay home but instead I got in my car and drove back over to Goshen for the 5th time that day. 

In P's garden...I sat by candle light and just listened to my friend Pam talk. She talked about her journey, her hope, her cancer, her frustrations, and I listened. I was there in that moment with her.

It was the last time I saw her...hugged her...told her I loved her....days later she went to the hospital...and by the time I was able to get to the hospital to see her...it was family only....
She passed last Monday morning....

Pam...who was a light in this world....a giver.....

an amazing mother full of fun and energy....and goodness.....

This is how I see her when I close my eyes...big hair framing her huge smile...heart full of love for her children....this was one Mothers Day we spent together at the soccer field...a memory I cherish so deeply.

She was a good friend and I, like many, am blessed to have know her...and to love her.  She fought so hard to stay here  on this Earth....for more time with her children. She inspires me to be a better mother...a mother who tries not to let too many moments pass by....a mother who gets deep within her soul that the days are long but the years are short.... See you in Heaven, sweet friend.....hope you are painting up there and sending us down your love. I am pretty sure you were responsible for the beautiful pink sun set last night...so thank you for that and for everything. I miss you already......

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.

-unknown

I was taken aback by tears today as my friend Pam walked into the office at Goshen. She was wearing a beret today to make her chemo shoulder bag look more "artistic". She felt horrible....was weak and in so many ways done...wanting to be still...asleep.....home. But today was her son's birthday. She got up early.... with poisons running into her body.... and make a maze of crepe paper for him to wake up to this morning. He woke up to a maze that said to his heart I did this this for you...because I love you and you are mine. She got dressed and came to school to have lunch with him...because it was his birthday and she has never missed a birthday lunch...and today was not going to be the first.  I stood in the office and held her hand and told her she did it.....with tears in both our eyes we celebrated her will and how strong a mother's love truly is. I am so proud of her and so happy to call her my friend.