lucky 13 and "it"

Jeremy and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on May 20th. Our wedding day was a very happy day...truly it was. We celebrated surrounded by friends and family. He was my "the one" and I was his.

It was a flawless day....perfectly packaged in love and laughter...daisies and tulle!

We were off on an adventure...a new beginning together....we had "It".......and if you had asked me right then and there as I stepped into this limo how we would be spending our anniversaries in the future...I know I would have answered....dressed up, together, somewhere fancy, happy.

Fast forward 13 years.....

We are together....so much more so than we were on our wedding day...we have bonded through positive pregnancy tests, health scares, first steps, family dinners, sleeping on the mattress because you are too spent to put the clean sheets on, loss, debt, cuddles on the couch, worrying about every tiny detail of four very different children, weeds in the landscaping and catching lighting bugs.  But all of this we have done together. Dressed up is for special occasions now.....on this anniversary he has on scrubs from work and I don short and a t shirt...something comfy to clean, cook and play in. Somewhere fancy is right here in our home for this anniversary. We may need a babysitting favor sometime but don't to waste it on an anniversary dinner we probably can't afford any way and would feel guilty even ordering. Fancy is in my heart and can be found for us...in a few moments alone....with any kind of meal. Every year is different and this year fancy has a new look for sure.

Happy.......well you can see that for your self. I spent the night of my 13th wedding anniversary being a wife and mother. Giving baths and wrapping sweet littles in warm towels and smelling of baby lotion. Reading bed time stories and kissing warm, sweet cheeks good night...and listening to brothers remind each other so say their prayers as I turned their light off.  I sat on the couch with my husband at the end of the day and we watched a video of 13 years of memories and we cried together. Yhea.....I would say we still have "it". And I am tired....and definitely a mess...but happy for sure.

"Most of my life," she says, "I've been in search of IT. And I thought IT came inside a big box with a bow on top carefully marked and labeled and numbered. I brushed away all the 'incidental' discoveries like cobwebs. But now everything counts. Now I search for traces of miracles.....and I find them everywhere." 

#172 from my favorite book....the Persistence of Yellow

lucky girl

I got lucky tonight.... really...really lucky. After Rollins' basketball game the littlest littles went home with Bumpa and Grandpa for a bit....and Riggs came come with Jeremy and me. Jeremy got called into a case and it was just me and Riggs....all alone....at home on a Saturday night. In a family as big as mine...alone time with any one is precious and we made the most of it! We played Uno.....over and over....and he won every time...but he hated beating me so much and I love that about him.

Then we played HORSE for a while....and he beat me at that too! We got crazy making shots from the couch and the floor and anywhere else we could think of!

We were flipping through the the stations and I came across the move A Walk to Remember....a movie I just love....it was well underway....but we watched the rest of it together....and talked the whole time...about what was going on in the movie and it was amazing to sit and listen to him discuss how it related to his life...all on his own. Mandy Moore's character does not have a mother in the movie...and he asked where she was. I told him I didn't remember but that she had somehow died. This led to him telling me abut a little girl on his bus whose moms had lost a baby this week and how she was telling him about it on the bus...and how sorry he was for her and her family. It was so odd to picture him having a discussion about a miscarriage on the bus....I mean when he got off the bus every day last week he never looked any different. I didn't even know he knew what that was....and maybe he doesn't really understand it all...but I can tell you he knows it hurts the heart....to loose a baby....he knows that at 9...and I am not really sure how I feel about that....sad that he knows such big things.....or proud because his heart....as always...is in the right place.  Today I just feel thankful I had this night....to have this talk... and this time...with this sweet boy.

My mind wondered ahead as the wedding scene played before us...thinking about Riggs and who he might marry...that someday soon...a date with Moma and uno cards and basketball hoop just won't cut it....and although that is a bittersweet thought I want nothing more for my boys than to find love...true love...because with true love such wonderful things are possible...and life is just....well...better.

I hope one day he walks down the isle holding the hand of his forever love.....and I hope I will be there to see it all.....She will be a lucky, lucky girl to have Riggs Hardy. He is sincere....and loving..and smart...and full of integrity...and he has a smile with a dimple!

But for now....we are happy just holding a basketball and shooting hoops in the playroom....and tonight I am the lucky girl. A lucky girl indeed.